The Wells Family
an Update by Ashley Wells
–The Wells Family lives in Winston. Ashley and Brandon are parents to Jace, Ian, Oliver and Elijah. Ashley has been a member of FEATT from the beginning, and wrote the newsletter for the first few years. She is now getting involved again to try to help reach more families in Douglas County. She will be reaching out to the rural areas in Southern Douglas County. A special thanks to Ashley for sharing her family’s story! –
As a blended family, we are mindful of doing our best to keep things fair for the kids. It takes some work and open minds. Sometimes things don’t seem fair to the boys, but we talk it out to try to help them all understand the situation.
Jace and Ian are both on the Autism spectrum. Jace has more intense adaptive needs, while Ian’s are more moderate. Both have mixed expressive receptive language disorder. Jace speaks in very short, two to three word sentences and thrives on routine and structure. Ian’s speech is mostly made up of echolalia (repetition of words and word combinations that he hears and repetitively mimics.) Ian also has hypotonia, or low muscle tone, which he uses shoe orthotics for. This makes him more prone to injury, and I’ve always said, it’s like he’s made of rubber.
Jace’s biggest struggle is with self-injurious behavior. It has settled down a lot, but still happens sometimes. His triggers seem to be anything unexpected or if he doesn’t get what he wants immediately. Anything that throws off our routine is detrimental. With the recent snow days and some illness, it has made it especially difficult to get him to go back to school. We just turn all of our challenges into goals to overcome and find solutions.
Jace has made the most progress with independent skills. We are in the process of making his room a little studio apartment. One of my goals has always been for them to learn to live as independently as possible with whatever supports are needed when they are grown. So far, I feel we’re on the right track because of the progress he has made.
One of the biggest challenges in the household is Ian’s Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or “ODD”. He yells at me for almost any request that is made of him, and has been known to get physically and verbally combative. It can be hard for us to keep the family running smoothly when, sometimes it feels like World War Three. This seems to be one of the biggest challenges to keeping it feeling fair for all of the boys. On his good days, though, Ian is the sweetest, cutest kid!
Ian can be very loving when he’s in a good mood and he is an entertainer at heart! He memorized the words and dance moves to disney songs and will act them out all the time. He is also working on independent skills, but his ODD makes it more challenging. He is making progress, though and I’m so proud of both of them for their effort.
As a family we play video games together, read together, go to the playground (when the weather permits) and snuggle every chance we get. Ian is all about putting on a show. Jace’s favorite thing is water. He asks to go to the water park all the time! He is also a big fan of Enchanted Forest! We are all looking forward to taking two of the boys to Hawaii this summer. The other two will get a smaller summer trip and will hopefully get to go to Hawaii next year.
The last few years have been challenging but I feel we have all grown in significant ways. My goal is to be a better version of myself each day. I struggle with anxiety, depression and self-confidence. On bad days I cry, thinking I could be doing better, but I also am so grateful for the family I now have, and the wonderful man who loves Ian and Jace as if they were his own. Brandon reminds me often of who I am, and that I am, in fact, a great mom. I find myself in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had, four boys who are my entire world, and I realize that days just keep getting better and the bad days don’t hit quite so hard anymore.
I want other families to know that while life can be insanely stressful, you are not alone. It helps me to find one good thing in every day, and this has changed my perspective!
I want to give a shoutout to Sarah Holmes, the BCBA for Positive Behavior Supports. She is fantastic at what she does and it really shows that she cares!
