Clan Highland
By Sherene Highland
We call ourselves “Clan Highland” That includes the 5 of us, Kevin (dad), Sherene (me), Andrew (8), Amelia (7), and Oliver (5). We also have two dogs Lulu and Milo who we couldn’t imagine life without. We live out in the Sutherlin area. Kevin and I have worked opposite schedules to meet the needs of our children and childcare needs. It takes a very special person to help with Amelia, thankfully grandma (my mom) steps in from time to time. Andrew is our artist, but he also likes to play sports. Basketball is his favorite. Amelia is going to be a director someday. She has us redoing little bits she sees on tv all of the time… and you better get it right! Oliver is our Tasmanian devil. He is a whirlwind of chaos and love. He loves everyone fiercely and is quite a sensitive little guy. He loves to be outdoors exploring and playing.
We live in a country home right across the road from my parents, which has proven to be the best decision of our life. My brother and great uncle also live there, while my grandparents live in Oakland, so it’s great to have all of the family support. Amelia is a runner. She can be very quiet and sneaky, getting out of the house, so we have three locks and an alarm on all exits because of this. Thankfully, when our sweet girl escapes, she usually goes to grandma’s house. We had a hand in helping design our home and made sure we had a support beam installed so Amelia (and all the kids actually) had access to a safe, indoor, hammock swing.
We are currently saving up for a porch to be put in so that the fence we will have installed encloses our yard area. We have to have two people outside watching the kids because of how fast Amelia can get away. We have to stay so vigilant and make sure nobody is distracted by a phone or yard work because of how Ameila will just get up and leave.
Amelia was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder precisely 10 days after she turned three. She is such a light! She has a smile that lights up the entire room. She is seven now and she has taught us all so much. We have learned through her what it is to love so fully, how to best help her, and how to always strive for more than what others say you can achieve. When she was diagnosed, we were told not to expect her to be able to talk, become toilet trained, or to really exist in society. I don’t remember the psychologist who told us this, but it was heartbreaking and something I didn’t believe. Amelia has had a lot of supporters over the years, and she is toilet trained, goes to school, thrives in academics (when she wants to do them), and she sees a future for herself. She wants to work for NASA or be a baker. She has gone back and forth between these two goals for the last few years.
Amelia is very smart. She has always loved numbers and letters. She does fast mental math, excels in spelling, and reads above her grade level. She even corrects me when I make spelling mistakes. She asked her great grandpa to find something on YouTube, and when he misspelled it she told him, “You are never going to get there like that!”
Amelia loves fiercely and unconditionally. She worries about others and always tries to be a helper. We are trying to paint our living room, she is upset the TV is down, but she is trying to help paint at the moment. She also loves to make her own cheese and mayonnaise sandwiches. When any one is sick or hurt, she tries to get them fruit snacks and soda, to help them feel better.
The social aspect of school is hard for Amelia. While she excels academically, she has a hard time staying in her mainstream setting. One of the biggest challenges for her are the transitions between recess and lunch in the cafeteria. Most weeks she doesn’t make it through a whole week of school, but this last week she did, so we celebrated!
We have been working really hard with Amelia to get out and about and have experiences outside of the home. Amelia has never really liked leaving the house unless we went to the park, shopping for toys or other things she likes. When COVID hit we stayed home a lot. So much so that leaving our house to go to my mom’s house, just across the road, was causing meltdowns. The beach is her happy place, so this is where we started. We made quick trips to Winchester, and then an overnight trip to Lincoln City. Even getting her out with small shopping trips to Dollar Tree and Target have helped her get more used to leaving the house. Though she still likes to be home, she is getting better at regulating her emotions through this challenge.
Amelia also really struggles with sleep. She just doesn’t sleep well and never has. We have tried many different options, with little success. We have a really great nighttime routine down now, all of the electronics locked up at night, and when she wakes up in the middle of the night one of us has to wake up with her to ensure she doesn’t elope. She may not want to leave home, but when she does, she can get through 3 locks and an alarm while we are sleeping if Kevin or I don’t wake up fast enough.
I love how fiercely independent she is. She can be so inquisitive and she is a little engineer. She can build anything with Legos. She is always kind, loving and cares so much about others. We love to do art projects together, baking cookies, making fresh orange juice, going to the park, going to the beach, and spending time watching Bob’s Burger or Guy’s Grocery Games together in the evening.
One of the biggest recent events for Amelia was going to Disneyland in February! We weren’t sure how Amelia would do, and she did amazing, going 3 out of the 5 days. We did get her on a race car ride, and she hated it, but she tried. This was a big deal for us! She loved the teacups. We may not get to another trip like this for a while, but the time we spent with family was great. Amelia does great on car rides so we are talking about a road trip to Mt. Rushmore for our (Kevin and my) 10-year anniversary.
Since Amelia’s diagnosis I have learned how to stand up, not only for my kids, but for myself as well. I went back to school to get my masters in special education. It has given me the ability to look into different ideologies, while learning more about autism and other disabilities. All of this brought me to my career of behavior specialist. I feel like I have improved my own emotional regulation and I feel I am slower to anger and frustration. I am learning and growing every day. Amelia is the best teacher! I hope other parents give themselves permission to dream big dreams. Don’t buy into the limitations that others may place on your child. Give them every opportunity and maybe it won’t ever happen, but don’t let that stop you from trying and hoping.
We have a lot of moments where we second guess ourselves, or think we are never doing the right things. It is simply hard. However, the celebrations that I get to celebrate with Amelia and ALL of her supporters, are irreplaceable! We are never alone, there is a whole community out here willing to welcome us with open arms, as parents we need to be open to accepting these people into our tribe. Though it is hard to form friendships, especially as an adult, I sure love the few people I met on this journey.
Acknowledgements: First and foremost I want to send a shoutout to Jill Fummerton because she has given us so many opportunities to meet others and made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I want to thank Jayne, the first mama I met at River Forks Park just before Amelia’s diagnosis. Mrs. Casey, who is Amelia’s teacher and who is the best teacher I could EVER ask for! I am tearing up as I think about all the love and support we have gotten in this community!Thank you to everyone who has played a hand in our journey. We love you!